Week 12: The Ugly Truth

His Mum loves him

The ugly truth of it is that, unlike Brian Clough leaving Nottingham Forest, Alex Ferguson has left Manchester United at precisely the right time.  In doing so, he also left a right mess for the ever-so handsome David Moyes to clean up.  

Where most OFFL managers spotted the fragile defensive frailties in the current Premiership Champions before they picked their teams, others did not.  The more prescient people plumped for the usual alternatives - a Chelsea defender here, a Liverpool goalkeeper there - and overlooked Southampton's sturdy offering at the back.  Until now.

While OFFL common sense suggests it's only a matter of time before a South Coast thrashing comes along and Ruins It All, more transfers for Saints players come in.  When the inevitable calamitous goalfest occurs it should be comforting to return to the ever-improving face of David Moyes and mutter to oneself... "at least I never looked like THAT!"*

In the meantime, two managers share the Manager of the Week Certificate and it's the names of 'Bingham, Sarah' and 'Pratt, Malcolm' that get clumsily embossed on the cheaply framed card this week. Both teams scored a mighty 26 points giving the managers places one and two in the league.

Falling furthest [five places] and needing to pull his socks up in the transfer market is Ash Keeler with his It's a Snickers.  Shocking.

*David Moyes never really looked 'like that'. It's been a little bit photoshopped in time for Halloween.  And I mean 'little bit' - he was no David Beckham.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2 26 143
 2 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 26 136
 3 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 18 133
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         52.9 19 128
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 17 125
 6 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 14 120
 7 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5  9 116
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6  8 109
 9 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 10 102
10 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  9 100

11 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.7 13  98
12 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.1  9  95
13 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.6 15  95
14 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 13  95
15 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    53.4 13  90
16 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    54.0 16  90
17 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8 13  90
18 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  3  87
19 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.0  8  86
20 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  9  80
21 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  6  76
22 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     53.6  4  61
23 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8  7  59
24 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  8  51
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  2  20


                              Week's Average Points    11
                              Total Average Points     95
---

Week 02: Sixy Lady

Bent forgets it's three goals, not 3 points, that counts as a
hatrick before he can run off with ball

"What Ho! Jeeves!" exclaimed Minty.

And the felicitous sentiment is not lost on the rest of the League, by Jove. Darren Bent contributing 3 points to a Manager of the Week certificate-winning 19 point haul? Outrageous fortune.

Yes, like a vigorous walk down the street wearing a pair of jeans that are just too tight in just the right places, Minty has risen to a surprise early climax for Week 2, thanks to her perennial blind loyalty to the Bent One.  Indeed, after last week's hot six, she now rests, spent and panting, on top, quivering with an inexplicable afterglow.

Lovely to see.

Also with sweaty palms, gripping at a corner of another shared Manager of the Week certificate is Malcolm Pratt.  His 1964 Prathletico Grande also nicked 19 points and pushed his charges up into third.

And still no transfers from anyone...  We ask "which weak-minded manager will lose their patience first?" - OFFL HQ are rumoured to be rehearsing a carnival style welcome for Livercoolio's usual season-opening transfer request as we write.

And by the way, yes, we have an OFFL Cup winners prize this year.  Yessiree.

Note From The Chairman

If you have any issues with the formatting of your weekly email please pass on your comments to studmarks@gmail.com.  As always, it is best read in 'Courier New' 10pt.  Most other monospace or fixed-width fonts will do, really.  All that effort to make sure everything lines up properly...nobody ever notices, grumble whinge etc.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 19  37

 2 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.8 17  35

 3 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 19  34

 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 14  32

 5 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5 13  31

 6 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.9 14  30

 7 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      54.6 11  29

 7 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    54.8 14  29

 9 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.5 14  28

 9 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   55.0 12  28

11 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.7  9  27

12 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 11  23

13 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 10  21

13 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 10  21

15 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    54.7 10  19

16 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       53.6  9  15

16 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0  4  15

18 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  3  10

19 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.9  1   6

20 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.6  0   0

                              Week's Average Points    11

                              Total Average Points     23