Week 33: It Goes To Eleven is less than the difference between a husband and a wife

Not scoring as highly as the pre-season hopes suggested
 .

Manager of the Week is Dr Nick Reed. His Gone Poyet Gone scored a rather impressive 29 points helping Dr Reed to career up the hard-shoulder of the league motorway by beep-beep-beeping up three places.

Worthy of a mention is Mrs Bielby again. 25 points. A climb of two places. 168 points behind husband Russell. That's more than It Goes To Eleven's entire season total so far.

It's a funny ol' game, Saint. *Burp*.

OFFL Cup

Semi-Finals, to be played in Week 36

RS-TBOY           v Livercoolio
Woolyback Returns v Pyeators II

Ah, [to the throbbing background theme of Survivor's Eye of the Tiger] Lord Beeky against the Bielby. It's a Derby in Derby*. Can the ever-fruitful Rick hassle the Russell? And Guy against Dave - tenth versus third. We really have sorted the boys [and girls] from the men [and women] haven't we?

Keep your eyes on the prize people. Eyes on the prize.

*They don't spend as much time Derby together as they used to.

---

Good luck to Manager of It's a Snickers, Ash Keeler. Yet another season of abject failure has forced Mr Keeler to pack it all in and go and live in Australia [for a year/forever]. The shame was getting to him. We understand.

Only too well, as it happens.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4  9 432
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5 17 389
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 19 388
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.5 18 383
 5 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.8 23 378
 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 17 356
 7 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0 18 343
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8 29 331
 9 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3 15 329
10 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 19 325

11 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 13 322
12 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  55.0 15 314
13 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9  4 305
14 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 16 288
15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4  9 286
16 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 16 277
17 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 13 273
18 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 25 264
19 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5 13 261
20 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  4 249
21 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 18 248
22 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  6 240
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 18 233
24 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 19 233
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3 13 125


                              Week's Average Points    15
                              Total Average Points    302

Week 32: Undiminished Spurting

Beecroft: undiminished spurt
.

A couple of hatricks with a couple of braces and Manager of the Week this week is Smasher whose League Champions, Inter Milandrover, tucked away 40 points this week.  That's 12 points ahead of nearest rivals Irishpool resulting in the current Champs reclaiming fourth spot.  All the OFFL needs is another few weeks like this one and Russ Bielby might have something to worry about.

Though not from Minty Colquhoun's Mintal Institute...  Move along, there's nothing to see there.  Oof.

Meanwhile, Rick Beecroft's end-of-season spurt hasn't diminished.  Still thrusting up the chart, now seventh.  Keep it up Lord Beeky, keep it up.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 18 423

 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5 27 372

 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 26 369

 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.5 40 365

 5 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     55.0 28 355

 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 19 339

 7 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0 29 325

 8 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3 19 314

 9 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  6 309

10 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9  1 306

11 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8 23 302

12 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 12 301

13 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  55.0 20 299

14 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4 20 277

15 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 12 272

16 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 11 261

17 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  8 260

18 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5 19 248

19 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0 10 245

20 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 11 239

21 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 -1 234

22 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 22 230

23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 10 215

24 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  2 214

25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  5 112

                              Week's Average Points    15

                              Total Average Points    287

T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f

Irishpool

-------------------

   From: Mike Smears

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

Esteemed and Most Honourable Mr President

 

It will not have escaped your attention that the Rt Hon Chancellor has seen fit to empower OAPs by liberating their pension arrangements. May I suggest you, for once, take the sensible course of action and follow in his footsteps. A little relaxation of the rules, such as allowing people like myself over the age of 90 to have a free choice in buying our players, would be appropriate.  All I ask is a LITTLE relaxation: then I can sign up 11 Liverpool players. Can you so arrange?

 

Assuming that as ever you will treat this request with your usual obstinate refusal to cooperate, will you instead please effect the following transfer:

 

OUT

622    Ozil

 

IN

387    Silva

 

I am most grateful and undertake accordingly to vote for you to continue as President next season.

 

Yours most humbly

 

 

Bristling from Bassett

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Ah, I see you've surprisingly transferred in the diminuitive Iberian Maestro.  I say, 'surprisingly' because nobody expects the Spanish Inch Magician.

That's the third and final time I've tried to push that gag.  I'm giving up on it now.

Week 31: Domestic Abuse and the OFFL Cup Quarter Finals' Results

To husband hit
. 

Sarah Bielby Please Stand Up.  Now turn to your right and slap that League-leading husband of yours a thwack in the chops with your Manager of the Week certificate.

Thank you.

Speculation suggests that you came on top of him this week because it was his birthday.

*blush*

17 points suggest you just happened to have had a good week on the pitch.  Congratulations.  Now you can look forward to Eurovision [May 10th, don't forget].

Also of note, Kate Wilson's Botley Yellow jumped above Hercule Poirot's Mainly Bell Jam and rest more than 100 points above last place.

Hashtag Achievment.

RST-Boy continue to climb [one place] just as Mike Smears' Irishpool snatch fourth place from the flagging defending Champions Inter Milandrover.  Livercoolio are 60 points ahead of second place.

I mean, what's the point?

Ah, here we go...

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

           Mainly Bell Jam  6 v  9 RS-TBOY
           Gone Poyet Gone 10 v 14 Woolyback Returns
                Which Team  9 v 14 Livercoolio
   1964 Prathletico Grande  6 v 14 Pyeators II

Through to the semi-finals are Rick Beecroft, Guy Harewood, Russ Bielby and Dave Clayton.  Congratulations all.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 14 405
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5  7 345
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 14 343
 4 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     55.0  9 327
 5 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.5  1 325
 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4  6 320
 7 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 14 305
 8 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  6 303
 9 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0  9 296
10 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3  7 295

11 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9  3 289
12 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8 10 279
13 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  55.0 10 279
14 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8  9 260
15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4 11 257
16 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  6 252
17 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 11 250
18 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0 10 235
19 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  4 235
20 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5  9 229
21 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 17 228
22 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  4 212
23 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 13 208
24 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  6 205
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  7 107


                              Week's Average Points     8

                              Total Average Points    271

Week 30: Pride and Pregnancy

Tom Vamos is very proud of his achievement

 

 

 

So proud of his 'Passing the 100 point mark' achievement, current Gardener Tom Vamos decided to stay on that score for another week.  Meanwhile The Impregnable Top Ten has just been impregnated.  By RST-Boy of course.  Lord Beeky, whose wife has recently given birth to his second child, is no stranger to impregnating things.  In the process, The Top Ten had to make space by putting Edgar Rayner's Eggafield Rovers up for adoption.

Which is a shame.  If he was to care.

This week's Managers of the Week include Gavin Ward, Smasher and Ash Keeler.  A bookie-rattling 9 points.  Swoon.

That was sarcasm just then.  Thank you.

Right.  OFFL Cup... it's being played NOW!

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

To be played in Week 31

           Mainly Bell Jam  v RS-TBOY
           Gone Poyet Gone  v Woolyback Returns
                Which Team  v Livercoolio
   1964 Prathletico Grande  v Pyeators II

It's for a valuable* prize!

*value is open to personal intepretation.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4  5 391
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5  9 338
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0  5 329
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1  9 324
 5 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     55.0  6 318
 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4  6 314
 7 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  2 297
 8 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 -1 291
 9 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3  6 288
10 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0  7 287
11 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 -1 286
12 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8  3 269
13 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  55.0  6 269
14 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8  8 251
15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4  5 246
16 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  5 246
17 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0  0 239
18 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  2 231
19 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  9 225
20 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5  0 220
21 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  4 211
22 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  5 208
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  0 199
24 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  4 195
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  0 100


                              Week's Average Points     4
                              Total Average Points    262
---

Week 29: Positions

It's all about position

Massive congratulations to Tom 'Each Point As It Comes' Vamos.  His 'It Goes To Eleven' week's haul of 4 points has plopped themselves on the 100 point mark.  

At long, long last.

Only another 92 points to go to lift him off the bottom of the league, eh?

And talking of positions... the top seven remain unchanged while RST-Boy creeps 2 points closer to invading the group of teams that have made up the top ten for the past 900 weeks.

Manager of the Week this week is Television Personality Nick Reed.  His Breakfast Show appearances have failed to mention the OFFL campaign leaving all the hard workers at OFFL HQ feeling a little bit miffed to be honest. Whatever.

[His Gone Poyet Gone notched up a large 23 points this week pushing him one place higher in the league]

And don't forget, gitcha transfers in for ...

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

To be played in Week 31

           Mainly Bell Jam  v RS-TBOY
           Gone Poyet Gone  v Woolyback Returns
                Which Team  v Livercoolio
   1964 Prathletico Grande  v Pyeators II

Till next week.

Tinkety tonk.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 20 386
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5  8 329
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 13 324
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1 17 315
 5 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     55.0 17 312
 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 18 308
 7 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  9 295
 8 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 17 292
 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 10 287
10 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3 15 282

11 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0 17 280
12 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8 23 266
13 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  55.0 19 263
14 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 12 243
15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4 11 241
16 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 18 241
17 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 13 239
18 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 12 229
19 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5 16 220
20 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0 11 216
21 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 11 207
22 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  7 203
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 21 199
24 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  2 191
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  4 100


                              Week's Average Points    13
                              Total Average Points    258
---