Week 38: Exercising buttocks

Russell Bielby, relaxing amid the chaos below

Good grief, HE'S ONLY GONE AND DONE IT!  And all the while everyone was telling him it couldn't be done.  They said it was impossible.  That he shouldn't even 'Go There, sistah!'.  He had even resigned himself to the inevitable failure of it NOT HAPPENING.  But, yes - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes - this week, at last, Neil McConaghy's Neil's Diamonds have finally broken into the top ten by nudging Nick Reed's Gone Poyet Gone out of the way and into eleventh. Astonishing achievement.  Congratulations Mr McConaghy, we salute you.  You just need to hang on for the last week.  What's that?  Oh didn't we tell you all...

We're in the final week of the season - just in case you didn't have the foggiest.  Which is most of you I should think, considering the transfer decisions you've been making all season.

This also means we're in and playing the OFFL Cup Final too.

*Excited Buttock Clench*

In the league, we've seen more jostling for that much prized second place with Gavin Ward's Manager of the Week certificate-winning score of 19 points pushing his Blat Setter's Mad Hatters into second.  In order to win the Championship, Mr Ward requires next week's score to be at least 35 points greater than Livercoolio's. 

Could happen.

Meanwhile Sarah Bielby's Johnny's Heroes have slumped [down three] to eighteenth.  To make matters worse, her husband's Liverpool-loving mood has taken a turn for the dire this week.  Mrs Bielby will have to comfort herself with the knowledge that the Eurovision Song Contest is THIS WEEKEND.  Counts for something, surely.

*Excited Buttock Clench*

Mr Bielby, on the other hand, will have to keep in mind that the fat lady hasn't sung quite yet.  Not that Mrs Bielby is a fat lady of course, she's not.  Quite the opposite in fact.

*Awkward Buttock Clench*

In fact, if actual fat ladies singing is your thing then, the Eurovision Song Contest is THIS WEEKEND!  Did I say already?

*Excited Buttock Clench*

And as a final remark this week, Studmarks has been reassured that the OFFL Umpa Lumpas look forward to laughing, then binning, the next transfer request to come in to OFFL HQ this week.  There are no more weeks after this week of course. 

And that last sentence was dedicated to Sarah Bingham, of course.

OFFL Cup

Final, in play.

RST-Boy        v  Woolyback Returns
Rick Beecroft     Guy Harewood

With both managers playing L Baines EVE and S Coleman EVE at Full Back, this is how the teams stack up against each other.

RST-BOY         Club Tot | Woolyback Returns Club Tot
-----------------------------------------------------
109 GK P Cech    CHE  15 | 141 GK H Lloris   TOT  12
274 CB D Lovren  SOT   3 | 254 CB D Agger    LIV  23
294 CB G McAuley WBA  -9 | 260 CB V Kompany  MC   19
307 MF S Cazorla ARS  28 | 309 MF T Walcott  ARS  25
396 MF Y Toure   MC   35 | 302 MF A Ramsey   ARS  37
622 MF M Ozil    ARS  33 | 386 MF S Gerrard  LIV  63
334 MF E Hazard  CHE  47 | 474 MF A Townsend TOT   5
538 ST D SturridgLIV  40 | 548 ST R van PersiMU   39
541 ST L Suarez  LIV  50 | 569 ST W Bony     SWA  54

We know where we think the Stanley Matthews' Football Album will be going this year. 

Let us know where YOU think it will be going... 

Simply use the hashtags #ming or #mong along with #IDontGiveAMonkeys to @Studmarks.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0  9 482
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5 19 447
 3 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.5  7 445
 4 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    54.0  9 443
 5 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.8 11 430
 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   52.9  5 408
 7 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0 12 401
 8 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3  7 387
 9 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 -4 372
10 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  55.0  8 365
11 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8  7 364
12 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 -1 345
13 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9  2 335
14 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5  8 326
15 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 15 318
16 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 12 310
17 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 14 309
18 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  3 309
19 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4  2 297
20 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0 13 291
21 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  4 278
22 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  5 255
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  2 248
24 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  2 247
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  6 150


                              Week's Average Points     7
                              Total Average Points    342
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