Week 24: Sponsored by Loopy

Hercule Poirot Leapfrogs Kate Wilson

A mainly FA Cup week for the Premiership Clubs has meant that Mainly Bell Jam has won their manager the Manager of the Week certificate with a weak week's score of 5 points.  It means Hercule Poirot leapfrogs Kate Wilson - a sight to behold, we're sure.

And that's Kate "Proud Owner of Loopy's Booster8" Wilson to you and me.

Also, Nick "Not bought an album yet" Reed's Gone Poyet Gone has squeezed past Neil "Booster8-less" McConaghy's Diamonds to claim primary position in the attempt to get into the top ten.

He's eleventh, yes.

In the meantime... here are our own Cup Fixtures for the next round of the OFFL Cup...

[This round was drawn to the sound of Loopy's new album, 'Booster8' - available from all good online music stores http://loopytheband.bandcamp.com]

OFFL Cup, sponsored by Loopy

ROUND TWO, Knockout Round, to be played over Wk 26

Eight teams will go through to the next round

            Livercoolio v   Mintal Institute   v Eggafield Rovers
      It Goes To Eleven v   Tierney's Twonks   v Pyeators II
      Woolyback Returns v   Neil's Diamonds    v Radnorshire Tigers
      Inter Milandrover v Moanchester Ununited v Gone Poyet Gone
      
1964 Prathletico Grande            v             Fattered Tanj
             Which Team            v             It's A Snickers
              Irishpool            v             RS-TBOY
        Mainly Bell Jam            v             Blat Setter's Mad Hatters
     
In the event of a draw the ties will be decided using the Points Per Pound Value.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4  0 311

 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1  0 265

 3 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5  0 256

 4 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0  0 256

 5 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4  0 252

 6 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  0 240

 7 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9  0 234

 8 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3  0 233

 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9  0 229

10 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.3  0 223

11 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8  2 209

12 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.8  0 208

13 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   53.9  0 203

14 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  0 190

15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4  2 188

16 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8  0 185

17 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  0 177

18 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5  2 169

19 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0  0 164

20 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  0 160

21 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  2 159

22 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  5 139

23 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  0 139

24 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  0 134

25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  2  64

                              Week's Average Points     0

                              Total Average Points    199

Week 23: Bielbliboos

I blame the parents
 

Not that OMG Chairman has been spending too much time with his Mini-Me goggling at "The Cbeebies" or anything but if a parent is going to be judged by their offspring then there is no way He'd want to be meeting those of the Tombliboos. Awful people, surely.  Uncouth, free-thinking, liberal oiks with personal hygiene problems, at a guess.

And talking of personal hygiene problems we can see that Mr Bielby has stretched his lead at the top of the table again. This week sees his Livercoolio push ten points further ahead of second place Inter Milandrover who are loosening their grip on the Championship with every passing week.

Meanwhile, Manager of the Week this week is Lord Beeky McBeek of Rickcroft.  We mean Rick Beecroft, of course.  His RST-Boy netted 18 points which, while boast-worthy, lifted him NO PLACES in the league.

So, we're well over half way into the season.  Let's take a little look at the teams with the most transfers remaining...


OFFL Transfers Remaining, Week 23
=================================

Lge                                                   Transfer
PosTeam                       Manager        Value Pts Remain
-------------------------------------------------------------                                                       
14 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 190   12
17 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 177   12
21 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 157   12
22 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 139   12
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 134   12
24 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 134   12
 7 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 234   10
 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 229   10
16 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 185   10
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  62   10
 6 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 240   9
20 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0 160   8
 8 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.4 233   7
11 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.8 208   7
15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4 186   7
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 311   4
 4 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 256   4
 5 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 252   3
18 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5 167   3
19 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 164   3
 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1 265   2
10 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.3 223   2
13 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   53.9 203   2
12 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8 207   1
 3 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.5 256   0
 
 
Have a good weekend, all.

Tinkety Tonk.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 14 311
 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1  4 265
 3 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.5 15 256
 4 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 15 256
 5 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 13 252
 6 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 12 240
 7 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9  5 234
 8 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.4 13 233
 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9  1 229
10 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.3 15 223

11 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.8 10 208
12 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8  5 207
13 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   53.9 18 203
14 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  8 190
15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4  3 186
16 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8  6 185
17 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  2 177
18 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5 11 167
19 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 10 164
20 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0 11 160
21 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  0 157
22 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  7 139
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  3 134
24 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  4 134
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  3  62


                              Week's Average Points     8
                              Total Average Points    198

-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

Blat Setter's Mad Hatters
-------------------
   From: Gavin Ward
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

Champions league here I come.

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Ummm.  Ah.

=============================

Tierney's Twonks
-------------------
   From: Steve Tierney
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Another transfer

Hello Chairperson

Can I make another swap please.

OUT
160 Ivanovic CHE

IN
159 Cole CHE

FB FB CHE CHE CHEAP CHEAP

Thank you

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Of course you can my darling man.

=============================

Blat Setter's Mad Hatters
-------------------
   From: Gavin Ward
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

All hail the Chairman.

I tried hard not to spend so early in the season, failed. Tried keeping the numbers down in each transfer sweep, failed. Tried really hard not to will the ball into the back of my own team's net to gain another 3 Suarez points and now feel conflicted and dirty. This game is evil.

Please could you swap 589 ST L Remy for 544 ST S Aguero    

I will now look away for the rest of the season as the temptation to plead for more transfers may embarrass us both.

Goodbye.

Yours faithfully, etc, etc
Arnie Schwarzenegger


NO chance of a free "you spent so well" transfer prize, right?

----------------------
Chairman responds:
You might get to win the "You're Spent" prize, perhaps.  And you're not the only OFFL Manager punching above their weight.  Nick Reed should also be flouncing around the lower leagues, spraying out his rubbish transfer requests all over the gaff. Shame on you both. 

=============================

Week 22: Blooming Bingham

Bingham blooms up the table

Unlike Our Most Gracious Chairman's own corporeal state there are some scores this week that are looking very healthy indeed.  Livercoolio drop 5 points from their lead over current Champions Inter Milandrover who notched up a radiant 20 points.  But even that particular score looks a little pasty-faced and under-the-weather compared with a couple of other weekly hauls. Radnorshire Tigers netted 22 points [up 2] and this week's Manager of the Week, Sarah Bingham, bloomed into a score of 26 points, surgically-lifting her Fattered Tanj up a place into fifth spot.  And another enormoscore from the Silver [singed] Fox himself, Mike Smears, who sees his Irishpool bountifully beckon a bulging bagful of points to Stannah-lift himself up into the top ten for the first time in, well... ever?

And that's a little too long for one opening paragraph, don't you think?

Accompanied by two completely unnecessarily subsequent paragraphs means that it must surely be time to kill off this week's Studmarks as it limps into a superfluous farewell.  Goodbye.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 15 297

 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         53.8 20 261

 3 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.5 17 241

 4 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 10 241

 5 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 26 239

 6 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 15 229

 7 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 17 228

 8 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 15 228

 9 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.2 18 220

10 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.0 20 208

11 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8 13 202

12 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.8 16 198

13 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.0 20 185

14 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4 17 183

15 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  6 182

16 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 10 179

17 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  5 175

18 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 13 157

19 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5 22 156

20 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 16 154

21 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  9 149

22 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  5 132

23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  9 131

24 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  8 130

25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  9  59

                              Week's Average Points    14

                              Total Average Points    190

T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f

Johnny's Heroes

-------------------

   From: Sarah Bielby

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

[Chairman], I am full of remorse about my slovenly approach to management.

As my husband is now treating me with the disdain he normally reserves for those who follow Manchester United I will endeavour to pull my socks up.

Johnnies Heroes may perform a Cool-Running style elevation from zero to hero, whilst winning the hearts of all those who watch….

Both of them.

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Slovenly, disaffected and with an attitude problem to boot, I reckon.  But once the socks have been pulled up, it can only lead to vests being tucked in, followed by a straightening of the cap and we all know how this particular movie ends, don't we?

Got my hankies out at the ready.

=============================

Tierney's Twonks

-------------------

   From: Steve Tierney

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: OFFL Cup Knockout Round

How the **** did I scrape through that one?

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Beyond me. In fact, I'm shaking my head and then placing it in my open hands.  "Beyond me" I'm saying. I'm being really melodramatic about this.  Unnecessarily so, it has to be said.

As you know, you had Moobs [in your group].

Maybe the cup has your name written on it this year?  

Like an infected poorly-spelled tattoo.

=============================

Tierney's Twonks

-------------------

   From: Steve Tierney

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: substitute

your lies for me..

sunday night swap – chuck out Lampard for me please and put 334 Hazard in his place. Chelsea for Chelsea, Midfield for Midfield, straight swap. please thank you

----------------------

Chairman responds:

You're forgetting the discrepency in price, aren't you?  Yes, you are.  Blindly hoping it won't matter.

As it happens, it doesn't matter.  Lucky Twonk.

=============================

Inter Milandrover

-------------------

   From: Smasher

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

OUT

G Johnson LIV

S Nasri MC

IN

168 Baines

621 Eriksen TOT

This is my squeaky bum transfer couplet.

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Eriksen?  You sure?

=============================

RST-BOY

-------------------

   From: Rick Beecroft

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: More RS-TBOY Subs!!!

Hi Sir matey mate,

OUT

590 ST R Soldado    TOT   £6.8        23     5

IN

538 ST D Sturridge  LIV   £6.7        31     0

Thankyou please

Kind Regards

Rick

----------------------

Chairman responds:

At last, you've put that Soldado Monkey, that's been clinging for dear life to your back, out of its misery.  It's been like watching a trapped animal chew off it's own leg for freedom.

=============================

Week 21: OFFL Cup Group Stage Results

Mike Smears is Manager of the Week: his Irishpool Zimmers one place up the League.

Manager of the Weak [and frail] is Mike 'Last Legs' Smears.  His Irishpool Zimmerred one place up the league thanks to a magnificent, yet unexpected, weekly haul of 22 points.

Also of note is Tom Vamos's 15 points but his 'It Goes To Eleven' are still rooted to the bottom of the table by 72 points so we won't dwell on that for too long.

In fact, that was it.

So, how about some OFFL Cuppage?

OFFL Cup

Group Stage, Final Standings.

Group A                       Value Wk20 Wk21 Total
---------------------------------------------------
  Livercoolio                   54.4  21  14   35
  RS-TBOY                       54.6  14  12   26
  Eggafield Rovers              52.9  17   5   22
  Neil's Diamonds               53.8  12   8   20
  Botley Yellow                 54.4   8   3   11   Out
  
Group B                             Wk20 Wk21 Total
---------------------------------------------------
  Radnorshire Tigers            52.5  25  11   36
  Blat Setter's Mad Hatters     52.5  18  14   32
  Inter Milandrover             54.6  19   9   28
  Moanchester Ununited          55.0  14  10   24
  Lashings Of Cheese            54.4  11  10   21   Out
  
Group C                             Wk20 Wk21 Total
---------------------------------------------------
  It's A Snickers               54.0  32   7   39
  Fattered Tanj                 53.4  13   7   20
  Which Team                    52.8  12   7   19
  Tierney's Twonks              53.2   6   4   10
  Moobchester Utd               54.7   8  -1    7   Out
  
Group D                             Wk20 Wk21 Total
---------------------------------------------------
  Pyeators II                   55.0  22  15   37
  Mintal Institute              54.9  17  12   29
  Mainly Bell Jam               54.0  18   4   22
  1964 Prathletico Grande       54.4  14   8   22
  Real Mcdrid                   54.8  13   3   16   Out
  
Group E                             Wk20 Wk21 Total
---------------------------------------------------
  Irishpool                     54.0  19  22   41
  Woolyback Returns             54.9  19  17   36
  It Goes To Eleven             47.3   5  15   20
  Gone Poyet Gone               52.7   0  10   10
  Johnny's Heroes               54.8   4   1    5   Out
 

Commiserations to all the exiting managers, who now are enabled for greater concentration on, say, the League.

Particularly strange is seeing Real Mcdrid leave the competition at such an early stage.  The last few years has seen Manager McHugh do well in the Cup, expecially in 2011 when he won it and last year when he was Runner Up to Gavin Ward's Olympilimps FC.  With nothing left to hope for Mr McHugh was last seen purchasing a one-way ticket to Zurich.

If Lashings of Cheese had been in Group C they'd have finished second and be sailing through to the next round.  As it is, the Cheese is OUT.  Also like Mr Hitzlsperger, The Moobs are OUT.  Oxford United's Kate Wilson's Botley Yellow are OUT too [tut, tsk and oof].  And as for Johnny's Heroes... well you just weren't treating the Cup with the respect it deserves, were you Mrs Bielby?  You ARE the weakest link... Goodbye!  

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 14 282
 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.6  9 241
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 15 231
 4 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.5 14 224
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 17 214
 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4  7 213
 7 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  8 213
 8 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9  5 211
 9 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.2  4 202
10 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       52.7 10 189

11 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.0 22 188
12 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.8  8 182
13 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 10 176
14 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 12 170
15 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8  7 169
16 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4 10 166
17 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.6 12 165
18 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 -1 144
19 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  7 140
20 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8  3 138
21 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5 11 134
22 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  3 127
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  4 122
24 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  1 122
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3 15  50


                              Week's Average Points     9
                              Total Average Points    176