Week 22: Blooming Bingham

Bingham blooms up the table

Unlike Our Most Gracious Chairman's own corporeal state there are some scores this week that are looking very healthy indeed.  Livercoolio drop 5 points from their lead over current Champions Inter Milandrover who notched up a radiant 20 points.  But even that particular score looks a little pasty-faced and under-the-weather compared with a couple of other weekly hauls. Radnorshire Tigers netted 22 points [up 2] and this week's Manager of the Week, Sarah Bingham, bloomed into a score of 26 points, surgically-lifting her Fattered Tanj up a place into fifth spot.  And another enormoscore from the Silver [singed] Fox himself, Mike Smears, who sees his Irishpool bountifully beckon a bulging bagful of points to Stannah-lift himself up into the top ten for the first time in, well... ever?

And that's a little too long for one opening paragraph, don't you think?

Accompanied by two completely unnecessarily subsequent paragraphs means that it must surely be time to kill off this week's Studmarks as it limps into a superfluous farewell.  Goodbye.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 15 297

 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         53.8 20 261

 3 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.5 17 241

 4 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 10 241

 5 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 26 239

 6 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 15 229

 7 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 17 228

 8 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 15 228

 9 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.2 18 220

10 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.0 20 208

11 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8 13 202

12 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.8 16 198

13 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.0 20 185

14 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4 17 183

15 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  6 182

16 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 10 179

17 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  5 175

18 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 13 157

19 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5 22 156

20 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 16 154

21 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  9 149

22 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  5 132

23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  9 131

24 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  8 130

25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  9  59

                              Week's Average Points    14

                              Total Average Points    190

T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f

Johnny's Heroes

-------------------

   From: Sarah Bielby

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

[Chairman], I am full of remorse about my slovenly approach to management.

As my husband is now treating me with the disdain he normally reserves for those who follow Manchester United I will endeavour to pull my socks up.

Johnnies Heroes may perform a Cool-Running style elevation from zero to hero, whilst winning the hearts of all those who watch….

Both of them.

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Slovenly, disaffected and with an attitude problem to boot, I reckon.  But once the socks have been pulled up, it can only lead to vests being tucked in, followed by a straightening of the cap and we all know how this particular movie ends, don't we?

Got my hankies out at the ready.

=============================

Tierney's Twonks

-------------------

   From: Steve Tierney

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: OFFL Cup Knockout Round

How the **** did I scrape through that one?

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Beyond me. In fact, I'm shaking my head and then placing it in my open hands.  "Beyond me" I'm saying. I'm being really melodramatic about this.  Unnecessarily so, it has to be said.

As you know, you had Moobs [in your group].

Maybe the cup has your name written on it this year?  

Like an infected poorly-spelled tattoo.

=============================

Tierney's Twonks

-------------------

   From: Steve Tierney

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: substitute

your lies for me..

sunday night swap – chuck out Lampard for me please and put 334 Hazard in his place. Chelsea for Chelsea, Midfield for Midfield, straight swap. please thank you

----------------------

Chairman responds:

You're forgetting the discrepency in price, aren't you?  Yes, you are.  Blindly hoping it won't matter.

As it happens, it doesn't matter.  Lucky Twonk.

=============================

Inter Milandrover

-------------------

   From: Smasher

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

OUT

G Johnson LIV

S Nasri MC

IN

168 Baines

621 Eriksen TOT

This is my squeaky bum transfer couplet.

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Eriksen?  You sure?

=============================

RST-BOY

-------------------

   From: Rick Beecroft

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: More RS-TBOY Subs!!!

Hi Sir matey mate,

OUT

590 ST R Soldado    TOT   £6.8        23     5

IN

538 ST D Sturridge  LIV   £6.7        31     0

Thankyou please

Kind Regards

Rick

----------------------

Chairman responds:

At last, you've put that Soldado Monkey, that's been clinging for dear life to your back, out of its misery.  It's been like watching a trapped animal chew off it's own leg for freedom.

=============================

Week 12: The Ugly Truth

His Mum loves him

The ugly truth of it is that, unlike Brian Clough leaving Nottingham Forest, Alex Ferguson has left Manchester United at precisely the right time.  In doing so, he also left a right mess for the ever-so handsome David Moyes to clean up.  

Where most OFFL managers spotted the fragile defensive frailties in the current Premiership Champions before they picked their teams, others did not.  The more prescient people plumped for the usual alternatives - a Chelsea defender here, a Liverpool goalkeeper there - and overlooked Southampton's sturdy offering at the back.  Until now.

While OFFL common sense suggests it's only a matter of time before a South Coast thrashing comes along and Ruins It All, more transfers for Saints players come in.  When the inevitable calamitous goalfest occurs it should be comforting to return to the ever-improving face of David Moyes and mutter to oneself... "at least I never looked like THAT!"*

In the meantime, two managers share the Manager of the Week Certificate and it's the names of 'Bingham, Sarah' and 'Pratt, Malcolm' that get clumsily embossed on the cheaply framed card this week. Both teams scored a mighty 26 points giving the managers places one and two in the league.

Falling furthest [five places] and needing to pull his socks up in the transfer market is Ash Keeler with his It's a Snickers.  Shocking.

*David Moyes never really looked 'like that'. It's been a little bit photoshopped in time for Halloween.  And I mean 'little bit' - he was no David Beckham.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2 26 143
 2 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 26 136
 3 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 18 133
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         52.9 19 128
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 17 125
 6 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 14 120
 7 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5  9 116
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6  8 109
 9 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 10 102
10 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  9 100

11 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.7 13  98
12 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.1  9  95
13 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.6 15  95
14 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 13  95
15 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    53.4 13  90
16 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    54.0 16  90
17 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8 13  90
18 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  3  87
19 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.0  8  86
20 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  9  80
21 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  6  76
22 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     53.6  4  61
23 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8  7  59
24 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  8  51
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  2  20


                              Week's Average Points    11
                              Total Average Points     95
---