Week 11: Messiah Merry-Go-Round

He wanted to be a goalie

Winning two Championships on the trot would lead some lesser beings to develop an ego the size of a Gareth Bale weekly pay packet. But Inter Milandrover's manager didn't smugly rest on his laurels over the Summer, oh no.  Instead, he turned to Jesus [Navas].  It's surprising to see this week, therefore, that faith in Jesus has been lost so soon into the season as Smasher relieves Him of his duties.  Indeed, after plummeting to fourth spot in the table, Inter Milandrover have brought in the more reliable services of Arsenal's Sir Alf Ramsay - such is the way of the Messiah Merry-Go-Round of the Footballing world these days.

A Ramsey, the new
saviour on the block

Meanwhile, Mr Bielby slaps in a magnificent 27 points for the Manager of the Week Certificate this week - his Livercoolio benefiting from a Suarez hatrick and a goal + assist from Van Persil Automatic. Livercoolio move up five places into second and only just miss out on the top spot.  That honour has been secured with 2 points by the bingtastic Sarah Bingham's Fattered Tanj.

Also of note - we've seen the top 8 fantasy teams all cruise past the 100 point mark with Botley Yellow managing to get a positive score for their Kate Wilson.

OFFL Cup coming soon!

[As is Loopy's latest 8-track emission, "Booster8" - we'll keep you informed of that momentous event, of course we will, we will to be sure, yes, we will.]

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2 19 117
 2 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 27 115
 3 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 16 110
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 10 109
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 18 108
 6 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5 10 107
 7 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 26 106
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6 13 101
 9 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 17  92
10 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  8  91

11 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.1 14  86
12 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.4 20  85
13 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  8  84
14 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 13  82
15 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.6 19  80
16 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.0 15  78
17 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    53.4 12  77
18 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8 10  77
19 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 11  74
20 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 12  71
21 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 14  70
22 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     53.8 19  59
23 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 20  52
24 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  7  43
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  3  18


                              Week's Average Points    14
                              Total Average Points     83

Week 09 & 10: Good Grief Gavin's Gag's Good.

Ozil: Seen here using the Force.

If you're the kind of Studmarks reader who merely scans for your own name and presses delete when its continued omission from that edition doesn't warrant any further investment of your precious time then listen up.  You, yes, you - the peruser user - you might be missing out on a corking line sent in by Manager Gavin Ward that ends his transfer request this week.  Read on, read on. And by the way, OMG Chairman has confirmed that He will not be giving any any extra points for the line.

In the meantime, here are the essentials...

Manager of the Week is the magnificently resilient Rachel Jones, thanks to her Which Team scoring 22 points for her this week.  No-one will be more shocked than Ms Jones.

Meanwhile, current Champions Inter Milandrover are on course to make it three OFFL Championships in a row by taking over top spot from Birthday Boy Neil McConaghy this week.  Indeed, Neil's Diamonds drop two places while Sarah Bingham's Fattered Tanj surge up into second, a mere one point behind the very smug manager of Inter Milandrover.

Boo!

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 19  99
 2 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   55.0 18  98
 3 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5 12  97
 4 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 19  94
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 20  90
 6 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6 20  88
 7 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 16  88
 8 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 14  83
 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 13  80
10 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  9  76

11 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 14  75
12 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      55.0  6  72
13 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 20  69
14 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8 13  67
15 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    53.4  6  65
16 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.4 11  65
17 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.0 15  63
18 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 11  63
19 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.6 14  61
20 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  8  59
21 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 -1  56
22 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     53.8  3  40
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 14  36
24 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 22  32
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  5  15


                              Week's Average Points    12
                              Total Average Points     69
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T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
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RST-Boy
-------------------
   From: Rick 'Minus 5' Beecroft
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Weekly Score of Minus 5

What a load of poo

Kind Regards

Rick

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Your team?

=============================

Eggafield United
-------------------
   From: Edgar Rayner
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

Eggafield United subs please;

Out
307 Cazorla
102 Szczesny
In
302 Ramsey
141 Lloris

Thanks Mr.Chairman

Eg
x

----------------------
Chairman responds:
We love it when you abandon your 'Shouldn't be allowed to make transfers' Policy.  Love it.

=============================

Blat Setter's Mad Hatters
-------------------
   From: Gavin Ward
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

Salutations oh great and powerful Chairman,

It seems that the pace has been lost by my football monkeys. Wild swinging of the axe is bound to improve attitudes for those who remain…

Please can you sling this lot out;

133 GK A Begovic    STO
273 CB S Bassong    NOR
309 MF T Walcott    ARS
357 MF M Fellaini   EVE
468 MF Michu        SWA
548 ST R van Persie MU

And bring this bunch in;

130 GK A Boruc      SOT
235 CB J Terry      CHE
622 MF M Ozil       ARS
396 MF Y Toure      MC
302 MF A Ramsey     ARS
589 ST L Remy       NEW

Ozil how it goes from here…

----------------------
Chairman responds:
*Ripple of applause*

=============================

Fattered Tanj
-------------------
   From: Sarah Bingham
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Studmuffins: OFFL Week 08

Good day to you Seated Hombre!!

May I please make the following changes......
(Actually watched Match of t'Day, quite informative isn't it?!!)

Sent with thanks!
The Tattered One

Out                                      In
 309   MF  T Walcott        ARS    5.6    622 MF M Ozil       ARS   £5.5
 355   MF  K Mirallas       EVE    4.4    629 MF A Januzaj     MU   £3.8
 383   MF  P Coutinho       LIV    4.4    302 MF A Ramsey     ARS   £3.9
 555   ST  R v Wolfswinkel  NOR    6.0    589 ST L Remy       NEW   £6.4


----------------------
Chairman responds:
It IS quite informative.  If we ignore the loons that do the informing - faces for radio, the lot of them.

And it would be a pleasure to slip these into your Fattered Tanj, Ma'am. A pleasure.


=============================

Week 08: The Monocle's Out

Guess Who's the Manager of the Week?
[actual certificate pictured]

Manager of the Week this week is the Frenchman, Hercule Poirot.

Apologies Monsieur Poirot, of course we mean Belgian.

His Mainly Bell Jam team consisting of mainly Belgian players mainly scored 13 points for him this week, earning our mainly fictional sleuth the Manager of the Week Certificate which he will doubtlessly examine mainly through his immaculately clean monocle.

Now let's borrow that monocle and take a moment to study Guy Harewood. In what was a poor week for all fantasy defences across the country, his Woolyback Returns successfully lost 7 points.  That's a weekly total of minus 7.  SEVEN.

So much for those expertly-timed midfield transfers the other week.  His tragic score of MINUS 7 [which will take some beating, we have to say] has meant a fall of four places in the league, handing second spot to Champions Inter Milandrover and a 1 point increase to the lead of Neil McConaghy over the rest of the league.

Mention must also go to non-fictional Jon King.  His Moobchester Utd narrowly missed out on the certificate by 1 point.  Nevertheless, he remains this week's biggest mover by heaving his Moobs up six places cupping them gently into Twelfth.  Nice.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5  4  85
 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  8  80
 3 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   55.0  4  80
 4 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9  4  75
 5 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0  0  72
 6 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 -7  70
 7 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  3  69
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6  1  68
 9 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  2  67
10 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    54.8  4  67

11 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      55.0  0  66
12 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 12  61
13 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    53.4  0  59
14 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 -3  57
15 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.4 -5  54
16 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8  2  54
17 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 -1  52
18 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  0  51
19 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  5  49
20 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.5  2  48
21 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.6  2  47
22 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     53.8  6  37
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 13  22
24 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  2  10
25 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.6  7  10


                              Week's Average Points     2
                              Total Average Points     56
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