Week 33: It Goes To Eleven is less than the difference between a husband and a wife

Not scoring as highly as the pre-season hopes suggested
 .

Manager of the Week is Dr Nick Reed. His Gone Poyet Gone scored a rather impressive 29 points helping Dr Reed to career up the hard-shoulder of the league motorway by beep-beep-beeping up three places.

Worthy of a mention is Mrs Bielby again. 25 points. A climb of two places. 168 points behind husband Russell. That's more than It Goes To Eleven's entire season total so far.

It's a funny ol' game, Saint. *Burp*.

OFFL Cup

Semi-Finals, to be played in Week 36

RS-TBOY           v Livercoolio
Woolyback Returns v Pyeators II

Ah, [to the throbbing background theme of Survivor's Eye of the Tiger] Lord Beeky against the Bielby. It's a Derby in Derby*. Can the ever-fruitful Rick hassle the Russell? And Guy against Dave - tenth versus third. We really have sorted the boys [and girls] from the men [and women] haven't we?

Keep your eyes on the prize people. Eyes on the prize.

*They don't spend as much time Derby together as they used to.

---

Good luck to Manager of It's a Snickers, Ash Keeler. Yet another season of abject failure has forced Mr Keeler to pack it all in and go and live in Australia [for a year/forever]. The shame was getting to him. We understand.

Only too well, as it happens.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4  9 432
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5 17 389
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 19 388
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.5 18 383
 5 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.8 23 378
 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 17 356
 7 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0 18 343
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8 29 331
 9 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3 15 329
10 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 19 325

11 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 13 322
12 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  55.0 15 314
13 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9  4 305
14 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 16 288
15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4  9 286
16 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 16 277
17 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 13 273
18 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 25 264
19 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5 13 261
20 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  4 249
21 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 18 248
22 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  6 240
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 18 233
24 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 19 233
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3 13 125


                              Week's Average Points    15
                              Total Average Points    302

Week 29: Positions

It's all about position

Massive congratulations to Tom 'Each Point As It Comes' Vamos.  His 'It Goes To Eleven' week's haul of 4 points has plopped themselves on the 100 point mark.  

At long, long last.

Only another 92 points to go to lift him off the bottom of the league, eh?

And talking of positions... the top seven remain unchanged while RST-Boy creeps 2 points closer to invading the group of teams that have made up the top ten for the past 900 weeks.

Manager of the Week this week is Television Personality Nick Reed.  His Breakfast Show appearances have failed to mention the OFFL campaign leaving all the hard workers at OFFL HQ feeling a little bit miffed to be honest. Whatever.

[His Gone Poyet Gone notched up a large 23 points this week pushing him one place higher in the league]

And don't forget, gitcha transfers in for ...

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

To be played in Week 31

           Mainly Bell Jam  v RS-TBOY
           Gone Poyet Gone  v Woolyback Returns
                Which Team  v Livercoolio
   1964 Prathletico Grande  v Pyeators II

Till next week.

Tinkety tonk.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 20 386
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5  8 329
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 13 324
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1 17 315
 5 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     55.0 17 312
 6 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 18 308
 7 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  9 295
 8 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 17 292
 9 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 10 287
10 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3 15 282

11 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0 17 280
12 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8 23 266
13 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  55.0 19 263
14 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 12 243
15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4 11 241
16 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 18 241
17 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 13 239
18 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 12 229
19 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5 16 220
20 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0 11 216
21 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 11 207
22 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  7 203
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 21 199
24 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  2 191
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  4 100


                              Week's Average Points    13
                              Total Average Points    258
---

Week 19: Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas.

And the OFFL Cup begins.  Consider it our present to you this year.  Yeah.  Be grateful.

Manager of the Week: Nick Reed.  Nick's Gone Poyet Gone scored 14 points.  Nice.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 13 247

 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.6 12 213

 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 13 194

 4 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 11 193

 5 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.1 11 192

 6 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.2 11 192

 7 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4  8 191

 8 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9  7 189

 9 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       52.7 14 179

10 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9  4 178

11 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.8 12 162

12 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  8 152

13 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 13 150

14 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.3  8 147

15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4  7 145

16 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  2 141

17 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.6  3 139

18 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  0 137

19 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8  2 122

20 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  2 117

21 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  8 116

22 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  4 101

23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  8 100

24 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    53.4  1  98

25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3 -2  30

                              Week's Average Points     7

                              Total Average Points    153

Week 03: Transfer Window Slams Shut

Mike Smears listening out for the
slamming shut of the transfer window

While the average age of OFFL manager has just suddenly leapt up by a decade or two, the Manager of the Week this week is the ever youthful Nick Reed.  His Gone Poyet Gone have jumped up by a car-crashingly large four places, to surge into, um, twelfth.  The impressive netting of 20 points not quite pushing him up to play with The Big Boys...

...and Girls. Yes, Top Posh Bint Minty continues to have the best view in the house by keeping ahead of the early chasers for the second week running.  Her Mintal Institute have reached a half-century of points already.  Totally Mintal.

And in a sudden spasm of activity, previously snoozing Pensioner Mike Smears was seen desperately fumbling with the volume controls in his ear in an attempt to quickly adjust his hearing aid settings after the rather large Premiership transfer window loudly slammed shut on Monday.  We should now have a more settled Players List until January.

And while we're riffing some quality jibber-jabber about the Players List, don't forget that if a player was already listed as belonging to a particular Premiership club and subsequently swaps to a different Premiership club then that player shall remain on our Players List as belonging to the original club.  Scott Parker, for example, remains listed as a TOT player despite the new Fulham shirt into which he now squeezes to the rasps of David Rose's The Stripper every Saturday afternoon.

The new Players List will be available next week.

That's it for now.

Studmarks remains your ever faithful OFFL servant.

T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f

Irishpool

   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

Dear Mr President

I really must protest this time. Things have gone too far. I take a short three month break at Bognor Regis and come back to find that, without so much as a by-your-leave, these youngsters have started the league in my absence once again. Intolerable. In my day they'd have been horsewhipped. I demand that my team be allowed to win points retrospectively, especially those two lovely goals by Sturridge. Be so good as to reply by return and assure me that my request has been approved.

Yours outraged

Bristling from Bassett.

ps any news on the OAP allowance for extra players?

Chairman responds:

Oh it's good to have you back, Sir.  The summer hasn't been the same without your cantankerous sense of righteous privilege. I, for one, am greatly looking forward to the usual early Cup exit and your annual bob around the large-numbered rankings.  Welcome back.

=============================

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 13  50
 2 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5 17  48
 2 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.8 13  48
 2 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 14  48
 5 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.9 13  43
 6 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      54.6 13  42
 7 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.5 12  40
 7 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  8  40
 9 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   55.0 11  39
10 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    54.8  9  38

11 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 14  37
12 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       53.6 20  35
12 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 14  35
12 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.7  8  35
15 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    54.7 15  34
16 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  9  30
17 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0  9  24
18 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 11  21
19 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 15  15
20 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.5 12  12
20 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.9  6  12
22 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.6  9   9


                              Week's Average Points    12
                              Total Average Points     33
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