Week 26: St Valentine's Day Romance [of the cup], Results

The Romance of the Cup

It seems that colds, coughs and snivels have been affecting the OFFL lately forcing Russ Bielby to claim that his team is a little hoarse this week.  Not that anyone believes such nonsense, not from the tune he's been warbling out recently - listening to him, one might think that the fat lady is already singing.

Not that Russ is a fat lady, of course.

He's definitely not that.

By no stretch of a fevered imagination, no, no, no.

Which brings us neatly back to the fevered maladies that ails the OFFL.  With yet another Manager of the Week certifcate winging its way to the brutish and very masculine Russell Crowe of a man, Mr Bielby is running away with the Championship.  Managers Ward, Clayton and Smasher have, yet again, fallen off the chase pace with sore throats and rasping snotsplosions suggesting it really isn't a three hoarse race at all.

With St Valentine's Day upon us, like a hodfull of sharp-edged, gravity-stricken bricks, it is appropriate that we should be looking at THE ROMANCE OF THE CUP.  And indeed, the results are in...

OFFL Cup

ROUND TWO, Results

Livercoolio             21 v  19 Mintal Institute
                           v  16 Eggafield Rovers
 --------------------------------------------------------
It Goes To Eleven        9 v  13 Tierney's Twonks
                           v  14 Pyeators II
 --------------------------------------------------------
Woolyback Returns       16 v   1 Neil's Diamonds
                           v   6 Radnorshire Tigers
 --------------------------------------------------------
Inter Milandrover       11 v   7 Moanchester Ununited
                           v  16 Gone Poyet Gone
 --------------------------------------------------------
1964 Prathletico Grande 15 v  13 Fattered Tanj
 --------------------------------------------------------
Which Team              17 v  11 It's A Snickers
 --------------------------------------------------------
Irishpool               10 v  12 RS-TBOY
 --------------------------------------------------------
Mainly Bell Jam         16 v  15 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters
 --------------------------------------------------------

We can't believe the Bell Jams made it through.  And Minty and Edgar have reason to feel a little hard done by.  But there you see, that's the magic and romance of The Cup.  

Magic and Romance.

And feeling the magic and romance of the cup this time round are:
--------------------------
Livercoolio, Russ Bielby
Pyeators II, Dave Clayton
Woolyback Returns, Guy Harewood
Gone Poyet Gone, Nick Reed
1964 Prathletico Grande, Malcolm Pratt
Which Team, Rachel Jones
RS-TBOY, Rick Beecroft
Mainly Bell Jam, Hercule Poirot

Congratulations all.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 21 352
 2 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      53.5 15 303
 3 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 14 291
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1 11 280
 5 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   53.4 13 278
 6 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.4 15 268
 7 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 16 265
 8 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.3 10 264
 9 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.3 13 263
10 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 16 255

11 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.8 16 240
12 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   53.9 12 238
13 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.8  1 225
14 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 17 224
15 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4 18 219
16 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  7 214
17 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 19 207
18 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    53.0 20 202
19 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0 11 190
20 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 14 188
21 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.5  6 184
22 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 20 180
23 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 12 175
24 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 16 172
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  9  84


                              Week's Average Points    13
                              Total Average Points    230

Week 18: Nappy Wearing Excitement of the OFFL Cup.

Inter 'Wearing Nappies' Milandrover:
It must be the excitement of the OFFL Cup

Just a reminder that your journey to OFFL Cup glory begins from this coming Monday [23rd] onwards - through till the New Year fixtures.  See last week's Studmarks [or the OFFL blog] for your group.  The bottom team of each group gets knocked out.

Nice to see, then, that so many of you have taken the time to put in some transfers.  Are you taking it seriously or something?  Must be the valuable prize on offer.  £12 on eBay.

And talking of the OFFL Blog, a quick skim over the page stats has revealed that the site has recorded well over 17,652 hits.  One post in particular has 3,497 hits - 3,000 more hits than most posts.  It's the one with the picture of the naked fat man relaxing on a couch.  We, here at Studmarks, will not be ignoring this lesson from here on in.

Russ 'Wild Sex Party' Bielby is this week's Manager of the Week with a score of 22 points, reaffirming his team's place at the revealing top of the League.  Big nippled Livercoolio have now stretched their lead over Inter Wearing Nappies Milandrover to 33 points.  Catchable.  Very catchable.  Not by Radnorshire Teasing Tigers, we wouldn't have thought...  No, this week Alun Edwards scored -4.  Boooo  bies.

Happy Christmas everyone.  Including you, Alun.

PS
Top Christmas Sausage Cooking Tip:  Prick them first.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 22 234
 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         52.8 21 201
 3 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9  8 183
 4 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 14 182
 5 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2  7 182
 6 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.1 19 181
 7 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.2 21 181
 8 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 21 181
 9 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9  5 174
10 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.1 17 165

Week 17: Not called 'Shaky' for nothing

This year's OFFL Cup prize.  Might actually be worth something.

Woof.  Look at that score!  48 points in just one week AND a brand new Loopy album.  Loopy Groupie and new Booster8 owner, Russ Bielby, becomes the undisputed Manager of the Week for having a team consisting of Suarez, Aguero, Messi, Ronaldo, Pele, Cruyff, Maradona, Michael Jackson and Shakin Stevens.

And while that last sentence careers off into a tree of nonsense, we look at how the league has been affected by the week's extra midweek bonanza of points.

Not called Shaky for nothing: 

Unconvincingly looking for a penalty

Smasher has moved into second after his current Champions, Inter Milandrover, scored 34 points - now meaning a lag of 32 points behind Livercoolio.

Other notable scores came from Steve Tierney's Tierney's Twonks [37], Chris Walsh's Lashings Of Cheese [36], Rachel Jones' Which Team [34] and, of course, Ash Keeler's It's a Snickers [-5] - all of whom will be celebrating their 'notable scores' by purchasing a keenly priced album by Loopy from the Loopy Shop here http://loopytheband.bandcamp.com, I shouldn't wonder.

[I *do* wonder]

But this is what we've really been waiting for, isn't it? ...

The OFFL Cup, Group Stage

To be played over the 'Christmas Period'. Bottom team in each group gets knocked out.  The rest of the teams enter a draw for the next round of 16 fixtures.

And this year's prize?  It's Stanley Mathews' Football Album from 1949[AD].  Something for Mr Smears to hanker after, surely.  Or had you given up collecting football lit by then?  Might be worth something on eBay.  *Checks Quickly* - it IS worth something on eBay, dagnammit.  Foof, this is actually worth something.

Group A  

Maradona relaxing at home.
Listening to Booster8, probably.

  Livercoolio
  Eggafield Rovers
  Neil's Diamonds
  RS-TBOY
  Botley Yellow

Group B  
  Inter Milandrover
  Blat Setter's Mad Hatters
  Moanchester Ununited
  Lashings Of Cheese
  Radnorshire Tigers
  
Group C  
  Fattered Tanj
  Tierney's Twonks
  Moobchester Utd
  Which Team
  It's A Snickers
  
Group D  
  1964 Prathletico Grande
  Pyeators II
  Mintal Institute
  Real Mcdrid
  Mainly Bell Jam
  
Group E  
  Woolyback Returns
  Gone Poyet Gone
  Irishpool
  Johnny's Heroes
  It Goes To Eleven

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.4 48 212
 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         52.8 34 180
 3 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2 12 175
 4 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 11 175
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9  8 169
 6 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 24 168
 7 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.1 25 162
 8 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.2 37 160
 9 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 33 160
10 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.1 20 148

11 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.2  6 142
12 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 14 136
13 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  7 132
14 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9 13 130
15 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.6 29 129
16 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.6  9 126
17 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     54.4 36 122
18 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 34 119
19 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8 13 115
20 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  4 112
21 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  5 102
22 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    53.4  8 101
23 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0 -5  93
24 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 12  86
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3 -3  26


                              Week's Average Points    17
                              Total Average Points    135

Week 11: Messiah Merry-Go-Round

He wanted to be a goalie

Winning two Championships on the trot would lead some lesser beings to develop an ego the size of a Gareth Bale weekly pay packet. But Inter Milandrover's manager didn't smugly rest on his laurels over the Summer, oh no.  Instead, he turned to Jesus [Navas].  It's surprising to see this week, therefore, that faith in Jesus has been lost so soon into the season as Smasher relieves Him of his duties.  Indeed, after plummeting to fourth spot in the table, Inter Milandrover have brought in the more reliable services of Arsenal's Sir Alf Ramsay - such is the way of the Messiah Merry-Go-Round of the Footballing world these days.

A Ramsey, the new
saviour on the block

Meanwhile, Mr Bielby slaps in a magnificent 27 points for the Manager of the Week Certificate this week - his Livercoolio benefiting from a Suarez hatrick and a goal + assist from Van Persil Automatic. Livercoolio move up five places into second and only just miss out on the top spot.  That honour has been secured with 2 points by the bingtastic Sarah Bingham's Fattered Tanj.

Also of note - we've seen the top 8 fantasy teams all cruise past the 100 point mark with Botley Yellow managing to get a positive score for their Kate Wilson.

OFFL Cup coming soon!

[As is Loopy's latest 8-track emission, "Booster8" - we'll keep you informed of that momentous event, of course we will, we will to be sure, yes, we will.]

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   54.2 19 117
 2 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 27 115
 3 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 16 110
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 10 109
 5 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9 18 108
 6 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5 10 107
 7 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    52.9 26 106
 8 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6 13 101
 9 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7 17  92
10 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  8  91

11 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      52.1 14  86
12 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.4 20  85
13 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.0  8  84
14 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0 13  82
15 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.6 19  80
16 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.0 15  78
17 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    53.4 12  77
18 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8 10  77
19 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0 11  74
20 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8 12  71
21 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4 14  70
22 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     53.8 19  59
23 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    52.8 20  52
24 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0  7  43
25 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       47.3  3  18


                              Week's Average Points    14
                              Total Average Points     83

Week 07: Dearly Beloved

Portman Road receiving Our Most Gracious Chairman

This past weekend, while OMG Chairman went to Portman Road to press the flesh, kiss some babies and watch Ipswich Town knock Nick Reed's beloved Brighton & Hove Albion about, the OFFL received another cantankerous rant from Old Man Smears [see 'Transfers and Stuff'] who is basically demanding points for being old.

Fellow Liverpool-loving loon Russ Bielby becomes this week's Manager of the Week after his beloved limb-chewing chum, Luis 'Suspended' Suarez, comes back to play for his beloved Liverpool.  Our beloved Bielby brought his beloved Livercoolio a moderate 14 points moving them up four places into fifth - leaving Bielby's actual Beloved [Sarah] twelve places behind.  Where's the chivalry?

Notable among other more rational movers and shakers in the league is 1964 Prathletico Grande who fall four, down from second into sixth. Boo.

Keeping this week's Studmarks blissfully short, thanks to the need to urgently optimise the time afforded to us by an 8 month old's morning nap while prioritising the necessitous laundering of underwear for the week, we'll end with wishing Manager Rick Beecroft a happy anniversary for Thursday - Lord and Lady Beeky: still together after a lengthy four year marriage.  Congratulations both.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.5  8  81
 2 Woolyback Returns          Guy Harewood    54.9  7  77
 3 Fattered Tanj              Sarah Bingham   55.0  6  76
 4 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  7  72
 5 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     55.0 14  72
 6 1964 Prathletico Grande    Malcolm Pratt   54.9 -2  71
 7 Gone Poyet Gone            Nick Reed       54.6  7  67
 8 Mintal Institute           Minty Colquhoun 54.9  0  66
 9 Blat Setter's Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward      55.0  9  66
10 It's A Snickers            Ash Keeler      54.9  5  65

11 Eggafield Rovers           Edgar Rayner    54.8  8  63
12 Botley Yellow              Kate Wilson     54.4  3  60
13 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    53.4  4  59
14 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.4  2  59
15 Pyeators II                Dave Clayton    55.0  2  53
16 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.7  1  52
17 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.8  5  51
18 Moobchester Utd            Jon King        54.7  5  49
19 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.5  8  46
20 Tierney's Twonks           Steve Tierney   53.6  8  45
21 Moanchester Ununited       Alex Blundell   55.0  5  44
22 Lashings Of Cheese         Chris Walsh     53.8 12  31
23 Mainly Bell Jam            Hercule Poirot  54.0 -2   9
24 It Goes To Eleven          Tom Vamos       45.9  3   8
25 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.6  2   3


                              Week's Average Points     5
                              Total Average Points     53
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